
I was reading an inspiring blog that I follow, The Jealous Curator last week and found this post called There are a few… things I’m afraid to tell you. I was so happy to read this and the back story at Creature Comforts.
Not that “misery loves company”, but as a person who has been trying to “find her way” in the arts in the last few years (if not my whole life, really), I was so glad to see some honest, raw stories of others who have maybe been through, or are pursuing the same creative path that I am. I have been struggling with ups and downs over my illustrations and business… half the time thinking everything is going great, the other half, just the opposite.
So, since I had a rough weekend, this is the perfect time for me to lay it all out, if not only for myself. Yes, it’s scary to put it out to the online world, but I think it may be healing for me and hopefully add to the list of these bloggers who just may not realize the positive outcome for others that might occur when all they see is seemingly successful, “I have a perfect life” creative people out there! Personally, even some blogs I’ve been following for inspiration have even been having a different effect on me lately. Instead of thinking, wow, I want to be just like them and I am progressively working my way towards that, I have been thinking, don’t they ever have struggles? Do they ever question themselves, their artwork, the career they’ve chosen? Why does it seem they have it all? A gorgeous, carefully staged home with their own artwork galore, time to bake/cook amazing recipes, diy projects that are fit for magazines, artsy-filled travel, sketchbooks constantly filling up with amazing artwork… the list could go on. I think it actually has been bringing me down, instead of picking me up! Seriously!
So, here I am putting the things I’m afraid to tell you. Here goes. Really, honestly, I’m about to type it out. (:
Deep breath…
1. I worry. I worry all the time. Mostly, I worry about finances. I can’t begin to tell you how much I worry about them. I worry about my family; their health and happiness. I worry about my wonderful teenage daughter and all the things she goes through as a young woman. I worry about her happiness and wonder if I am handling things okay as a Mom, or am I making things worse for her. I worry about my husband and wonder how he puts up with me lately, cause I really feel like I’ve been quite a handful for quite some time and I worry because I know he is always worried too. I worry about my health and happiness as well. I kinda wish I could forget the last couple months, dust off and start over again. With struggling on getting my new illustration series completed and up online, a whole whack of things have happened to hold me back on that… or at least that’s how I was looking at it. Dealing with my son being off and on sick, being diagnosed with asthma, hitting his head and worrying about a concussion, along with me getting some weird virus that turned into a nasty sinus infection, it was all topped off this past Saturday when I had the most pain I’ve had since giving birth, bringing me to the hospital, to find out I had an ovarian cyst rupture, causing severe pain to my right side and leg. I’m fine now btw and happy it was nothing more serious, but I am now prompted to take better care of myself and follow up on the changes in my body that are happening as I get older. Oh, it’s so fun to be a woman! (; I worry about how to manage the 3 different “jobs” that I do, juggling them everyday, with not enough satisfaction or money for that matter, and to be perfectly honest, no appreciation whatsoever and such negativity… in the part-time job that pays the bills that I have been holding on to for years “just in case”.
I’ve had quite enough of all of this and need to find some balance and take matters into my own hands. I need to realize I’m just about where I want to be. I’m not right at the start of this career anymore… I’m tweaking things. Tweaking them for better return, emotionally, physically and financially. I read this wonderful blog, Momentum Gathering this morning and found it to be validating and perfectly timed. I’ve got to think about this tug of war of poop I’ve got going on and just “see what is in front of me”.
I now realize (or have been reminded) that I am lucky. Lucky to have my health (for all that it’s been) with nothing seriously wrong and to take it into my own hands to keep my health in order, I have a wonderful, supportive family… and if I step back and look at my recent work, I actually quite like it. I am making steps towards making progress trying to zero in on the things that make me happy and fulfilled and nothing can stop me now. OK???? You hear that Universe???!!! (:
There is no number 2. Number 1 is enough, don’tcha think? Yes, I have laundry piled high in my bedroom, half folded from rummaging through it daily, yes, I don’t vacuum enough, there always seems to be dishes in the sink, etc., but those I have to believe are a normal part of daily life for everyone, and really, I’ve come to know this and accept it. How can I fret over this little stuff when I’ve been juggling all this worry?
There. Now I better go and make this day the best it can be.
Then tomorrow, I’ll do the same.
I wish the same for you.
Laura xo

Oh, if you are a blogger out there, no matter if one person or thousands of people read it, why not consider sharing the things you might be afraid to tell? It might just be good therapy for you and others too. (: